Not How I Planned

In light of my recent bday and a close friend whose relationship just ended - I've been thinking about where I thought I would be by now. Heck, when you're younger - you have it all figured out. It's just a matter of filling in certain missing pieces - like a career, a husband, etc. If my life were going according to this plan laid out in the mind of my pre-teen/ tween self then by now I should be settled down - married, with kids, have a house with a circular library with floor to ceiling books and ladders (like in Beauty and the Beast), a gazebo in the yard, french doors off the master bedroom, and be on my way to living happily ever after. Somehow instead - I'm living in a 2 bedroom condo (which I love very much), still going to school, and rather than settling down am digging myself further and further into debt.

This life plan has been slowly modified with age. When I was younger, 24 seemed older - by then I should have everything figured out. HA! If only I would learn that I'm never going to have it (whatever it is) figured out. And that there's really no way to plan it all out even if I wanted. My generation of women faces a different dilemma. We want it all. The family, the career, and still time for self. Somewhere something has to give, right? I don't know - I haven't given up on that dream, not yet anyway. Other people do it, so I know it's doable. I know it's not easy, but it's doable. That's what I keep telling myself.

I just continue to go through the motions and do as best I can with what I do have control over. I'm still growing, learning, and maturing. The rest I figure will just fall into place. That's the beauty of the future - no matter how much we plan, hope, wish, or dream -at the end of the day it will still be a surprise.



<-- Me having fun in the backyard. Just more playing with the camera