Hope, Change, and.... Obama

So..... this weekend was a busy one. Saturday I went to a global health conference at U Penn. That story will have to wait for another entry. This one is dedicated to Hope, Change, and Obama.

Sunday morning myself and 8 of my dearest friends woke up before the sun so we could be on the road by 7am driving to State College. Barack was going to be there that afternoon. Gates opened at the Penn State undergraduate campus at 11:30. We started standing in line around 9-9:30 am. We waited, and waited, and waited some more - until 11:30 rolled around and then we slowly started walking toward the gates.


As we got closer they informed us that we were not allowed to take in any hard fruit (yes hard fruit) or knives. The dangerous individual that I am - had an apple in my bag and sadly had to leave it on a bench outside. :(


<-- this is Siraj showing us his mean apple throwing face.

We eventually made it through the metal detectors and the bag search only to stand some more, with a little dancing - they played some music for us. Then at 2:00 pm Barack finally made his appearance. I could see him fairly well from where we were standing. He spoke for about 45 minutes. It was great to feel like a part of a change. I can feel it that we need change, it's time. Our healthcare system needs to change, we need to get out of this war, and so much more. It's time to change. For those of you who know me, I'm not very political, but I can feel it bubbling up inside of me the importance of my little voice, my one small vote, and the strong desire to express my opinion. We wore our white coats to the rally. To show our support from within the health care system. Walking around 8 of us in our white coats, was a little odd - I felt like we were walking around with the statement, "We are healthcare, hear us roar" - yes I know I'm a dork...oh well.

I am HOPEful for CHANGE. It is time.

waiting

Come back and play... Spring is here - the weather is warm. It's time for fun!

I feel life is calling to me, especially on these test weeks - when all I seem to do is study. Almost there, I keep telling myself. Just push through for a few more days and then I'll be freeeeeeee!!!
Only difference is life doesn't wait, time keeps moving and I seem to be sitting still studying. Will I wake up in 4 years and feel like I have just exited a time warp? Where did those 4 years go?

I can hear it. I can feel it. Life is calling...

Set the books down, come outside, embrace life, and LIVE!!!

Pay It Forward

Today a classmate of mine came up to me in the bathroom to thank me for helping to sponsor a certain FPIG (family practice interest group) event. I'm the co-president of FPIG and even though it was a small gesture - it made me smile and feel good. I really didn't do much to help organize the event, but it was really nice. Then later this afternoon FPIG was volunteering at some tables selling daffodils for the American Cancer Society as fundraiser. Another simple gesture of a friend giving me a floweragain just perked up my marathon day of studying.

This reminded me of the movie Pay It Forward with Kevin Spacey, Helen Hunt, and Haley Joel Osment. It's an older movie 2000, but a good one. The idea for those of you who don't know is that instead of owing someone or paying them back - to pay it forward instead and to keep the nice gestures going.

Sooooooo.....My challenge for you today is to do something nice for someone else - even if it is just a small gesture. Tell someone you appreciate them, write a little note, buy someone a cup of coffee - anything it really doesn't matter. I bet afterwards you'll feel better too!

little things

I wrote before about how I enjoy the "How I See It" quotes on the Starbucks cups. Yogi Tea, a brand of tea a friend of mine drinks - similarly has little sayings / words of wisdom. Not sure why I enjoy phrases, quotes, etc - but I've always been that way. If you knew me in high school you may recall that my wall was full of them printed out on pastel colored paper and taped to the wall above my bed. Maybe I like to be reminded of the bigger picture, because my days seem to be taken up by all the little details of this disease or that one.

Here are a few of my favorites from the tea:

"A relaxed mind is a creative mind."

"Have wisdom in your actions and faith in your merits."

"Delight the world with kindness, grace, and compassion."

sweetest sound

Laughter... it has to be the most wonderful sound. This thought just popped into my head the other day while watching a pair of my friends standing next to the kitchen stove just whispering amongst themselves. Then the sound of laughter slowly made it's way to my ears. I thought what a beautiful sound.
My head instantly filled with the many different ways in which people laugh. It's a universal sound with no language barrier and not much room for misinterpretation. The sound automatically fills any room with warmth and welcome. Such a wonderful feeling to make another laugh.








My favorite type of laugh is the one where you are laughing so hard you can't catch your breath and your stomach hurts. When your body is just shaking and you are no longer making any noise - just writhing in joy. I love when it gets to the point when I feel like I might pass out from laughing so hard.

What's your favorite?

Spring

Spring is in the air, in many senses. A change is about to come. Winter is slowly edging up against spring. Flowers and hope are starting to spring up from the frozen winter ground. Life, politics, jobs, school, etc - always cyclic. The bad before the good. Always believing and hoping that the cold will be followed by a ray of sunshine. The kind that warms your entire being. It's this hope, the dreaming, the belief that a change is upon you that keeps you pushing through those tough times. That's the only option.

Watching the seasons change and knowing it is an analogy to my life. I'm changing, growing, and fighting winter. It's not always easy, but I know it's good for me and if all goes well I will eventually turn into a beautiful flower.

Peace

Today the peace symbol celebrates it's 50th yr. It started as a symbol for the anti-nuclear movement in Britain. It came about as part of the Campaign for Nuclear Disarmament (CND).

From the BBC website

This shows the symbolism behind the symbol.
The letters come a flag-signaling alphabet (semaphore) representing N and D --> for Nuclear Disarmament.
The two symbols are inside a circle representing Earth.




Below is the link to the entire article. Just a random bit of interesting information I came across today! :)

http://news.bbc.co.uk/2/hi/uk_news/magazine/7292252.stm

hmm....

Haven't written in a few days, mainly because I don't really know what to write about. Sometimes I feel like I'm losing myself in this medical world. School small talk gets old, but when my life is engulfed in studying, etc - it's hard not to get caught up in all of this. It is a daily battle for me to remain me and not become a drone of the medical school world. That's not always an easy feat. I realize that this sounds depressing and blown out of proportion - it's not always that bad, but there are days. Days when I cannot wait to get in my car and drive away from campus - it doesn't matter where, just away. I'm sure this is partly due to the massive amount of time that I spend in that crescent shaped building. But soon... soon I won't have to sit in the same lecture hall everyday. I'll get to leave Hershey and see other hospitals and clinics.

Maybe it's spring fever, maybe it's planning for 3rd year, or knowing that soon I have to figure out what I want to do with the rest of my life. I've got the doctor part figured out - now it's just a minor matter (haha) of decided what field of medicine is right for me. This week is match week for the 4th years. Tomorrow across the country at noon Eastern time 4th year medical students across the country will find out where they will train for the next 3-9 years of their career. It's another day where we don't get to make that important decision ourselves - but someone else does it for us. My understanding of how the match works is that you apply as a 4th year to different residency programs in the specialty you would like to practice. Hopefully you interview at a few of these places. You rank them in order and the residency programs rank all of the people they interviewed. Then the National Residency Match Program does some magic & then *poof* - hopefully you match with somewhere high on your list. If you don't match there are some options that I'm not going to explain here.
I can only imagine that feeling of standing amongst my classmates in 2 years with our envelopes waiting to see the reaction of opening that envelope and finding out our future. The scary part is that it will be here before I know it. All of this that I'm going through now will feel like a blur.

maybe i should just sit back, relax, and enjoy the ride







road trip with mom coming back from San Antonio
hopefully in a few years - I'll be making another trip cross country back to Cali....

Happy St. Patty's Day

I actually celebrated St. Patty's Day yesterday, by attending a little celebration put on by the Lebanon Arts Council. A friend of mine heard about it from one of the people who works in the library. It was not what we expected, but I'm glad we went. We thought that there were going to be more people there, but it turns out there were probably only 20-40 or so. We had some tea, sang some songs (they gave us lyrics), and enjoyed some of the art work. The most interesting part was the librarian had some art work of his own upstairs. He took us up there to show it to us. He did most of the pieces during his year in Italy on a Rhodes Scholarship. A few of his pieces went along with an Irish poem and a folktale. He told us a few of the stories, which made his art make sense. I found it fascinating to see this side of his life. It's easy to forget and get caught up in this medical school world. All of these people I interact with everyday in the hospital have completely different lives away from this building - my classmates included. For me it was a nice reminder of the outside world.

Today I celebrate St. Patty's Day, by wearing my $1 green clover socks from Target and studying. Time to play catch up after a busy busy week!









Just looking for a picture w/ some green in it! Here's some green beans for ya!

why I do this

Today I had clinical skills. This means I go into clinic and actually interact with patients. Sometimes it's hard to believe that someday I will really be a doctor and get to spend time with patients everyday! My clinical skills is set up in a family practice clinic - I go in before the doctor, take a history, perform what I can of the physical exam, and then report back to the doctor. We'll discuss the case, etc and then we'll go in together and the doctor will examine the patient and decide on the treatment.
It is on these days that even after only 4 hours in clinic - I am exhausted. I'm not quite sure yet how I will survive when I have to work even a full day! But these are the days that remind me and refresh me of why I have given up my life for the past 2 years and buried my head in a book. I love the patient interactions. All of it from the well-child checkups to the older patients and everything in between. Today made me really think that I ultimately need to end up practicing some sort of medicine that will allow me to work with children. I don't think I'll be a pediatrician - I don't want all kids. Just some. They are so wonderful - their smiles and laughter just warm the heart. Their like a breath of fresh air, representing love, life, and probably most importantly - hope.
Variety - ultimately I think that's what I need whenever I decide what I'm going to be when I grow up. I want to work with a variety of people (in terms of age and demographic) and with a variety of different ailments. I'm not studying all of this for nothing! :)

dispersed

best friends

once strangers
brought together by a common place
all by chance
lucky us

small talk - weather, celebrities, class, etc
finding bits and pieces that make you you
long, serious talks
never running out of things to say

shared experiences - parties, dinners, vacations
laughing, loving, learning, maturing
it all happens so fast
gone in a flash

life presses on - we continue to grow
separate paths, put us in different places
we'll keep in touch
I'll see you ever year...my friend

leaning on each other
i need you, you need me
i'm here, you're there
distance can't break this bond

it's different, no doubt
But still it's unconditional and forever
sitting, talking, laughing, crying, loving
beauty is knowing when I see you again nothing will have changed

Dreamer

I'll always be a dreamer. Even though half of what we plan and dream of never happens or turns out the way we thought it would. I believe dreams are what push us to do better, to try harder, and that in and of itself is enough.

So...my big dreams. The way it would work if I didn't have to worry about money or making a living. I'll present to you in my view a rough sketch or outline of what I would envision in a medical practice for myself and my patients.

First, I must emphasize that I believe preventative medicine and primary care are extremely important. As a future physician, I believe I will find more joy in preventing a patient from getting diabetes, hypertension, or some other preventable ailment than treating the problem once it has happened. Granted this will not make me more money, but this is where I think my happiness will be found. If our health care system in general took this sort of approach it would save vasts amounts of money (but that's an entirely separate issue)

Back to my dreaming. In order to be a healthier person overall (which is my goal - to keep you healthy), you need to eat right, exercise, etc. You've all heard the lines from your doctor before or some new health claim about how such and such a food prevents cancer, etc. It's not easy to eat right or find the time to exercise. It's expensive and can be time consuming. In the end, it does pay off in terms of health benefits, feeling better, and having more energy. I'm victim to the same things as you. I often find myself not going to the gym during test week and once working out is out of the routine, it makes it doubly as hard to return - even knowing I will feel better for it. It's easy to say exercise and eat right. It's another thing to help a patient actually make attainable goals and find ways to truly change their lifestyle.

My job as a physician is not only to instruct you on how to live a healthier life, but to also - 1. have a healthy lifestyle myself and 2. facilitate you in that goal. In this dream office of mine - there would be cooking classes 2xs or once a month that teaches patients how to prepare healthier foods or recipes for those on special diets. Weekly outings to parks for walks or physical activities and an office staff that would help make this happen. I would not necessarily be present for all of these functions, but rather have other patients, nurses, etc - help make this happen. It would be a team effort in which all were working together. That patient doctor relationship is a team - we're both working for the same goal. The office would not necessarily be a place where you only go when you are sick, but rather a community that together supports and helps foster a healthy lifestyle. I would want to hear that you lost 15 pounds, via e-mail or a phone message when it happens rather than at an appointment 2 months later when the excitement has worn off or some of the weight regained. That's the part I look forward to the most is in sharing those moments of happiness (no matter how big or small) and I know part of it will also be in sharing in those times of sadness. It's this sharing and the personal touch plus the science that drew me to medicine.

There are more ideas that could be added, but you get the idea. Yes, it's a big dream and yes, it wouldn't pay. Heck, patients probably wouldn't even know what to do with such a place. The focus on preventative medicine and taking care of yourself before emphasized in the US.

I'm still young and idealistic. I know that. I'm ok with that. The moment I stop dreaming, the moment I stop trying, well that's the moment I given up.









Spring is here - a change is about to come.

Not How I Planned

In light of my recent bday and a close friend whose relationship just ended - I've been thinking about where I thought I would be by now. Heck, when you're younger - you have it all figured out. It's just a matter of filling in certain missing pieces - like a career, a husband, etc. If my life were going according to this plan laid out in the mind of my pre-teen/ tween self then by now I should be settled down - married, with kids, have a house with a circular library with floor to ceiling books and ladders (like in Beauty and the Beast), a gazebo in the yard, french doors off the master bedroom, and be on my way to living happily ever after. Somehow instead - I'm living in a 2 bedroom condo (which I love very much), still going to school, and rather than settling down am digging myself further and further into debt.

This life plan has been slowly modified with age. When I was younger, 24 seemed older - by then I should have everything figured out. HA! If only I would learn that I'm never going to have it (whatever it is) figured out. And that there's really no way to plan it all out even if I wanted. My generation of women faces a different dilemma. We want it all. The family, the career, and still time for self. Somewhere something has to give, right? I don't know - I haven't given up on that dream, not yet anyway. Other people do it, so I know it's doable. I know it's not easy, but it's doable. That's what I keep telling myself.

I just continue to go through the motions and do as best I can with what I do have control over. I'm still growing, learning, and maturing. The rest I figure will just fall into place. That's the beauty of the future - no matter how much we plan, hope, wish, or dream -at the end of the day it will still be a surprise.



<-- Me having fun in the backyard. Just more playing with the camera

photo bug

Since getting a new camera yesterday for my bday. I've been bitten by the photo bug and have easily taken over 150 pictures in the past day. We've even taken family outings in search of the perfect almond orchard to capture. I love it. I'm learning as much as I can now, because I know as soon as I get back to school I won't be able to devote as much time to taking pictures.
Right: almond tree











Random plant at a baseball park near my house.














Sadly, I can't take credit for this one. My dad took it. I love the tunnel of white flowers made by the almond trees. As is often with nature, the true beauty cannot be captured in a photograph. I especially like when the wind picks up just a little and white petals soar through the air.


Part of tonight's dinner. I just couldn't pass up the vibrant colors of the peppers!

Reflections - the real bday post

A brief stroll down memory lane...


Brand new beautiful baby girl!
And Dad still has hair... sort of







Umm.... we call her the Michelin Man









<--cute! - This is one of my Dad's favorites



!Surprise! Apparently a bunny cake is very exciting.






3rd grade - Love the side ponytail. Also note that my scrunchie matches the dress! Very stylish.
And the perfect teeth.





4th grade - even more stylish...haha
Still waiting to grow into my teeth. My mother neighed at me tonight when she saw this photo. :) love ya mom





8th grade basketball

Junior Prom -->

High School Graduation!

TOGA! TOGA! TOGA! (trinity freshman year)

DONE! Finished our last final of college, senior year.
6ish (pm) - post happy hour and a few mojitos!






White Coat Ceremony...before I knew what I truly knew the reality that is medical school :(

But it's not all books -->

Today, I finally made it home. And guess what... there will be many more pictures coming soon!

Take 2

So I didn't make it back to Cali yesterday. So my surprise/ exciting real bday post may not make it up until tomorrow. It depends on how I feel when I finally make it home. Last night my flight was delayed so I couldn't make my connection, which is why I am now at 5:40 am sitting in the harrisburg airport waiting to leave.
It didn't ruin my bday though. My friend Mel picked me up at the airport an hour after dropping my off last night and we had game night at her place. I bought a bottle of wine from the wine and spirits store and the guy made my night by asking me for my ID. He told me I looked all of 19. I said 24 today actually, but thank you!

That's it. Have a great day!
Lady...anxiously awaiting my arrival

not really a bday post

Happy 24th bday! I am now officially in my mid-20s. Gone are the days of my early 20's :(
What's so special about this bday do you ask? Well, Mr. Conway Couto would inform you that if you took the first number of my age and multiplied it by itself that you would get the second number. This is what he told Mrs. Marianne Couto on her bday at least. So there's one reason for me to be excited today, because there is only one more chance for that to happen in my life - 39.

I'm going home (back to cali) today!!! YEAH!!! I'm actually happy to be traveling on my bday. I really enjoy traveling alone. Maybe it's the anonymity of it, or that I relate it with going home on vacation, or the fact that I can't be busy doing anything else. My schedule is determined by the airlines. I go at their pace. Thankfully, I inherited my father's gift of being able to fall asleep anywhere. Normally, I prefer the window seat so I can curl up against the side of the plane and fall asleep whenever I'm not busy reading or doing something of the sort!

Tomorrow, will be my real b-day post. Even though it's a day late - trust me it will be worth it- for your entertainment and possibly my embarrassment. haha

a most glorious normal day

You know those days where everything just seems to be going wrong? Well....today I had the exact opposite of one of those days. Everything just seemed to be going right, even though nothing in particular about my day is especially out of the ordinary.
I woke up at 7:30 to the sun streaming in through my window. This was after sleeping for 10 hours!!!! Woke up did some cleaning around the condo (trust me there was a lot to be done - post exam / post ski trip). I ran out to Costco to get my tires rotated and then walked to the Target and Old Navy nearby. It was an absolutely gorgeous day outside - 64 degrees! Had leftovers for lunch, cleaned a little more, and then decided it was way too beautiful to be inside cleaning. I left to go to starbucks to have an iced coffee and a snack. I sat outside and read a book for fun! Then at my mother's suggestion went to the White House Black Market that is in the Hershey Outlets. They were having a sale (all dresses $39.99, plus a bunch more). I spent over an 1 1/2 hrs in there - shopping and debating between a few things. Most of the stuff I bought was for clinical rotations next year. After I walked out to my car with my new purchases, I called my mom to gush about the amazing savings. It was in my car that I realized I had a coupon that if I spent $6, I would get $25 off! Of course I headed back inside the store and ended up buying 2 more things!
After I got home, I called my friend Rich and we walked to the grocery store together - enjoying the beautiful weather. I needed to pick up a few ingredients for my cooking experiment. From another blog I read, I picked up an idea for dinner (walnuts, garlic, and lemon pasta). Per usual for me, I took it as a starting point. I learned this from my father - a recipe is merely a jumping off point. You find a recipe that sounds good and then you tweak it. Take out stuff you don't like, add in stuff that you do or whatever happens to be in your fridge that you need to use. The unique thing about tonight's recipe was that I was not using any measurements. It was all guess and taste and see what happens. I love cooking. It is the entire process that I enjoy. It starts with choosing the recipe and modifying it in my mind. Then shopping and picking out the ingredients if necessary. Then setting the mood with music to sing/dance to in the kitchen while cutting, grating, tasting, and creating. This is truly cooking.
I am proud to say that I was happy with tonight's meal. Basically it was all improvisation and no measurements! My creation for the evening was baby portabella mushrooms, with garlic, cream, lemon, goat cheese, sundried tomatoes, and walnuts over whole wheat rotini!

I told you - there was nothing terribly out of the ordinary in my day, but it was that feeling of normalcy of not being rushed or pressed for time that made it so enjoyable. As a med student these days are rare and are to be cherished.

Lost and Found

My hobbies... there just never seems to be enough time (except for the weekend after an exam). I guess there will be plenty of time after I retire!

The most recent hobby I've added is quilting. My Christmas present (2006- I think) was a sewing machine. My first real project was making my mom a lap quilt for Christmas that year.

Currently, my room has been turned into a makeshift sewing room. This means there are scraps of fabric strewn all over the floor and tables. There is an ironing board blocking the entrance to my closet and a cutting board covering up my desk. Despite the mess - I love it. I find it completely relaxing to turn on my music and quilt. Ironing, cutting the pieces, picking out which pieces of fabric to put next to one another, sewing, and repeat. It's a melody of color and patterns all in shades of pink. The art of quilting. It is very mathematical in terms of calculating the proper amount of fabric, cutting the pieces, and then arranging them. I wonder if my mind is drawn into this math part of it all, seeing that my mind is scientifically orientated. Or is it the entire experience - a blend of art and math that soothes me. When matching pieces the overall color or tone of the piece of fabric is what matters, the pattern is secondary. It's only noticed upon closer inspection. The key is to not be thrown off, because it just doesn't match. Each individual piece of fabric won't match - it's impossible. The key is to step back, take in the overall entity of the piece. It is from here that you can gain a clear perspective.
Just as in life - Even though individually each piece may not be beautiful, it is the unique combination that contributes to the beauty of the whole.


Mom's quilt

flying

Ahhhh...... it feels so good to be done! The best feeling post-exam for me is the next morning, when I wake up knowing that I have nothing to get up for - no studying, no class, etc. That's my favorite feeling - just lying in bed, soaking in the morning sun, relaxing.

Tomorrow I am taking Mel, Brandon, and Rich all skiing for the first time. This trip seems so familiar because of all the ski trips I took as a child, yet I'm playing mom.

My ski memories.... (a typical day going to Shasta)

Mom would wake me up while it was still dark outside. I would climb into the car still in my PJ's, curl up in the back seat with my pillow and fall asleep. I would wake up just long enough to get donut holes and chocolate milk at Karen's donut shop - then back to sleep. Usually I had a friend sleeping next to me in the back seat and the moms were sitting in the front chatting away (I guess that's what they were doing - I don't know, I was sleeping). I would wake up with the sun after being on the road for a while and eat those delicious donut holes from Karen's. Then just wait in anticipation until we made it to Shasta. The mom's would stick us kids in a ski lesson and be off. We would meet back up at lunch time and ski the rest of the day together. The drive home was much the same, with me falling asleep in the back.

Tomorrow - that's my job. Wake up the kids, drive them to Camelback, throw them in a lesson (or stick around and take some pictures) and then hopefully convince one of them to drive home or at least stay awake to keep me up on the drive back.

Skiing - on those great runs when you are perfectly comfortable just cruising down the mountain with the cool, crisp mountain air in your face - it feels like flying. I imagine that's what the birds feel as they soar through the air.
And that feeling of taking off your ski boots at the end of the day and slipping your feet back into your tennis shoes. You would swear your tennis shoes never felt so good.

Lake Tahoe