A return to 1st year

Before I jump into all the craziness of 2nd year and I'm only beginning to imagine what next year has in store - I think it is important for me to look back at 1st year.
Here's a journal entry I wrote right after anatomy finished.

11/01/06
I am amazed at how fast the 1st 11 wks flew by. There are so many memories and images from the anatomy lab, that will always be a part of me. The smell, the green color of our scrubs, the rows of tables with plastic covered mounds.

I went in with the mentality that this person (husband, father, brother, son) donated his body in order for me to learn. The part of that body that made him a person is no longer here. His body is a shell. Don't get me wrong it's still emotionally difficult to see and there were lines I wasn't willing to cross. Namely, the sawing of bones or disarticulation of joints, head, etc.

Dr. Zagon played a clip from NPR at the beginning of the course. It was from the perspective of a medical student. The point made that stuck with me was...

In my practice when I read or hear about certain body parts - I will always return to my cadaver. It will always be his muscles I see when imagining them in my head.

It truly is such an amazing gift. I will never explore another human the way in which I explored our 90 year old male cadaver. Yes, the experience is morbid and disgusting at times, yet it was absolutely amazing and necessary for any medical student. It is essential to know what a nerve, vessels, ligaments, etc - actually feel like.
The experience made me realize that the structure of the human body is truly amazing. The physiology of the body normally receives more of the attention, but it is astonishing the number of muscles in the forearm. It seems ludicrous to me that we have a separate muscle to flex and abduct our little toe.

It's sad that during the course I didn't take more time to step back and look at the big picture and enjoy the overall exposure and experience. We all started out very respectful & conscious of our cadaver as a person, but it quickly changed to being focused on one body part or region of the body. He was no longer a human, but rather a guy with good back muscles. The humanness was lost and our minds were narrow and focused.

As the class progressed the cadavers began to look less and less human. We all become somewhat desensitized. I cannot imagine the effect it would have on an outsider to walk into our anatomy lab - 10 weeks into the course. (caution: I wouldn't suggest reading on if you are eating (marianne))
The image that would surely stick in their memory is one of a skinned form that resembles the top half of a human (the legs previously disposed of) The muscle would appear like jerky - dry and stringy and the smell...

The ending stages of the entire process are the most gruesome - disarticulating the head, removing the eye, skinning the face. This was by far the worst, because a face is hard to view as just another section of the body. It is unique and personal. I remember it was always the little things that brought me back to reality in lab. During a lab practical to answer a question for a tag and look down and see pink nail polish on the hand of this little old lady. Suddenly my mind would be brought back to the reality of the situation.

All I can say is thank you to my anonymous cadaver and all those who donate their body for medical students to learn. And I did - I learned more in those 11 wks than I thought possible. Granted in the past year I have forgotten a lot too, but my overall amazement of and respect of the human body still remains.