Peace

Today the peace symbol celebrates it's 50th yr. It started as a symbol for the anti-nuclear movement in Britain. It came about as part of the Campaign for Nuclear Disarmament (CND).

From the BBC website

This shows the symbolism behind the symbol.
The letters come a flag-signaling alphabet (semaphore) representing N and D --> for Nuclear Disarmament.
The two symbols are inside a circle representing Earth.




Below is the link to the entire article. Just a random bit of interesting information I came across today! :)

http://news.bbc.co.uk/2/hi/uk_news/magazine/7292252.stm

hmm....

Haven't written in a few days, mainly because I don't really know what to write about. Sometimes I feel like I'm losing myself in this medical world. School small talk gets old, but when my life is engulfed in studying, etc - it's hard not to get caught up in all of this. It is a daily battle for me to remain me and not become a drone of the medical school world. That's not always an easy feat. I realize that this sounds depressing and blown out of proportion - it's not always that bad, but there are days. Days when I cannot wait to get in my car and drive away from campus - it doesn't matter where, just away. I'm sure this is partly due to the massive amount of time that I spend in that crescent shaped building. But soon... soon I won't have to sit in the same lecture hall everyday. I'll get to leave Hershey and see other hospitals and clinics.

Maybe it's spring fever, maybe it's planning for 3rd year, or knowing that soon I have to figure out what I want to do with the rest of my life. I've got the doctor part figured out - now it's just a minor matter (haha) of decided what field of medicine is right for me. This week is match week for the 4th years. Tomorrow across the country at noon Eastern time 4th year medical students across the country will find out where they will train for the next 3-9 years of their career. It's another day where we don't get to make that important decision ourselves - but someone else does it for us. My understanding of how the match works is that you apply as a 4th year to different residency programs in the specialty you would like to practice. Hopefully you interview at a few of these places. You rank them in order and the residency programs rank all of the people they interviewed. Then the National Residency Match Program does some magic & then *poof* - hopefully you match with somewhere high on your list. If you don't match there are some options that I'm not going to explain here.
I can only imagine that feeling of standing amongst my classmates in 2 years with our envelopes waiting to see the reaction of opening that envelope and finding out our future. The scary part is that it will be here before I know it. All of this that I'm going through now will feel like a blur.

maybe i should just sit back, relax, and enjoy the ride







road trip with mom coming back from San Antonio
hopefully in a few years - I'll be making another trip cross country back to Cali....

Happy St. Patty's Day

I actually celebrated St. Patty's Day yesterday, by attending a little celebration put on by the Lebanon Arts Council. A friend of mine heard about it from one of the people who works in the library. It was not what we expected, but I'm glad we went. We thought that there were going to be more people there, but it turns out there were probably only 20-40 or so. We had some tea, sang some songs (they gave us lyrics), and enjoyed some of the art work. The most interesting part was the librarian had some art work of his own upstairs. He took us up there to show it to us. He did most of the pieces during his year in Italy on a Rhodes Scholarship. A few of his pieces went along with an Irish poem and a folktale. He told us a few of the stories, which made his art make sense. I found it fascinating to see this side of his life. It's easy to forget and get caught up in this medical school world. All of these people I interact with everyday in the hospital have completely different lives away from this building - my classmates included. For me it was a nice reminder of the outside world.

Today I celebrate St. Patty's Day, by wearing my $1 green clover socks from Target and studying. Time to play catch up after a busy busy week!









Just looking for a picture w/ some green in it! Here's some green beans for ya!

why I do this

Today I had clinical skills. This means I go into clinic and actually interact with patients. Sometimes it's hard to believe that someday I will really be a doctor and get to spend time with patients everyday! My clinical skills is set up in a family practice clinic - I go in before the doctor, take a history, perform what I can of the physical exam, and then report back to the doctor. We'll discuss the case, etc and then we'll go in together and the doctor will examine the patient and decide on the treatment.
It is on these days that even after only 4 hours in clinic - I am exhausted. I'm not quite sure yet how I will survive when I have to work even a full day! But these are the days that remind me and refresh me of why I have given up my life for the past 2 years and buried my head in a book. I love the patient interactions. All of it from the well-child checkups to the older patients and everything in between. Today made me really think that I ultimately need to end up practicing some sort of medicine that will allow me to work with children. I don't think I'll be a pediatrician - I don't want all kids. Just some. They are so wonderful - their smiles and laughter just warm the heart. Their like a breath of fresh air, representing love, life, and probably most importantly - hope.
Variety - ultimately I think that's what I need whenever I decide what I'm going to be when I grow up. I want to work with a variety of people (in terms of age and demographic) and with a variety of different ailments. I'm not studying all of this for nothing! :)

dispersed

best friends

once strangers
brought together by a common place
all by chance
lucky us

small talk - weather, celebrities, class, etc
finding bits and pieces that make you you
long, serious talks
never running out of things to say

shared experiences - parties, dinners, vacations
laughing, loving, learning, maturing
it all happens so fast
gone in a flash

life presses on - we continue to grow
separate paths, put us in different places
we'll keep in touch
I'll see you ever year...my friend

leaning on each other
i need you, you need me
i'm here, you're there
distance can't break this bond

it's different, no doubt
But still it's unconditional and forever
sitting, talking, laughing, crying, loving
beauty is knowing when I see you again nothing will have changed

Dreamer

I'll always be a dreamer. Even though half of what we plan and dream of never happens or turns out the way we thought it would. I believe dreams are what push us to do better, to try harder, and that in and of itself is enough.

So...my big dreams. The way it would work if I didn't have to worry about money or making a living. I'll present to you in my view a rough sketch or outline of what I would envision in a medical practice for myself and my patients.

First, I must emphasize that I believe preventative medicine and primary care are extremely important. As a future physician, I believe I will find more joy in preventing a patient from getting diabetes, hypertension, or some other preventable ailment than treating the problem once it has happened. Granted this will not make me more money, but this is where I think my happiness will be found. If our health care system in general took this sort of approach it would save vasts amounts of money (but that's an entirely separate issue)

Back to my dreaming. In order to be a healthier person overall (which is my goal - to keep you healthy), you need to eat right, exercise, etc. You've all heard the lines from your doctor before or some new health claim about how such and such a food prevents cancer, etc. It's not easy to eat right or find the time to exercise. It's expensive and can be time consuming. In the end, it does pay off in terms of health benefits, feeling better, and having more energy. I'm victim to the same things as you. I often find myself not going to the gym during test week and once working out is out of the routine, it makes it doubly as hard to return - even knowing I will feel better for it. It's easy to say exercise and eat right. It's another thing to help a patient actually make attainable goals and find ways to truly change their lifestyle.

My job as a physician is not only to instruct you on how to live a healthier life, but to also - 1. have a healthy lifestyle myself and 2. facilitate you in that goal. In this dream office of mine - there would be cooking classes 2xs or once a month that teaches patients how to prepare healthier foods or recipes for those on special diets. Weekly outings to parks for walks or physical activities and an office staff that would help make this happen. I would not necessarily be present for all of these functions, but rather have other patients, nurses, etc - help make this happen. It would be a team effort in which all were working together. That patient doctor relationship is a team - we're both working for the same goal. The office would not necessarily be a place where you only go when you are sick, but rather a community that together supports and helps foster a healthy lifestyle. I would want to hear that you lost 15 pounds, via e-mail or a phone message when it happens rather than at an appointment 2 months later when the excitement has worn off or some of the weight regained. That's the part I look forward to the most is in sharing those moments of happiness (no matter how big or small) and I know part of it will also be in sharing in those times of sadness. It's this sharing and the personal touch plus the science that drew me to medicine.

There are more ideas that could be added, but you get the idea. Yes, it's a big dream and yes, it wouldn't pay. Heck, patients probably wouldn't even know what to do with such a place. The focus on preventative medicine and taking care of yourself before emphasized in the US.

I'm still young and idealistic. I know that. I'm ok with that. The moment I stop dreaming, the moment I stop trying, well that's the moment I given up.









Spring is here - a change is about to come.

Not How I Planned

In light of my recent bday and a close friend whose relationship just ended - I've been thinking about where I thought I would be by now. Heck, when you're younger - you have it all figured out. It's just a matter of filling in certain missing pieces - like a career, a husband, etc. If my life were going according to this plan laid out in the mind of my pre-teen/ tween self then by now I should be settled down - married, with kids, have a house with a circular library with floor to ceiling books and ladders (like in Beauty and the Beast), a gazebo in the yard, french doors off the master bedroom, and be on my way to living happily ever after. Somehow instead - I'm living in a 2 bedroom condo (which I love very much), still going to school, and rather than settling down am digging myself further and further into debt.

This life plan has been slowly modified with age. When I was younger, 24 seemed older - by then I should have everything figured out. HA! If only I would learn that I'm never going to have it (whatever it is) figured out. And that there's really no way to plan it all out even if I wanted. My generation of women faces a different dilemma. We want it all. The family, the career, and still time for self. Somewhere something has to give, right? I don't know - I haven't given up on that dream, not yet anyway. Other people do it, so I know it's doable. I know it's not easy, but it's doable. That's what I keep telling myself.

I just continue to go through the motions and do as best I can with what I do have control over. I'm still growing, learning, and maturing. The rest I figure will just fall into place. That's the beauty of the future - no matter how much we plan, hope, wish, or dream -at the end of the day it will still be a surprise.



<-- Me having fun in the backyard. Just more playing with the camera